Shell Guys Don't Marry Dumb Blondes

"Shell guys don't marry dumb blondes," says the visiting speaker.

I'm seated in a community house, one expat partner among many others—all women. Lovely tall casuarina trees stand tall outside the traditional wooden house on stilts. The odd hornbill can be heard calling, and a low murmur of voices surrounds me. We're on the island of Borneo. We live here because of our husbands' work.

We know each other and see each other often, us wives. We all have a university degree and a professional background, yet we rarely discussed our lack of professional growth and opportunity as expat partners. Until today.

Today, the community is hosting a company representative. She is visiting to deliver a talk on 'the supportive role of the expat partner'. I'm sure what to expect. Will it be interesting, upsetting, or both?

"Shell guys don't marry dumb blondes." 

I perk up. Bold statement. Interesting it is.

As it turns out, the interesting part came with the next speaker, writer and publisher Jo Parfitt. Jo spoke about her book Career in Your Suitcase, a practical 'how-to' discussing portable dual careers.

At the time, my frustration with my role as a supporting expat partner was ready to explode. I had spent 8 years moving from one posting to another across countries in Asia and the Middle East while having three babies in quick succession. I had gone from 'independent professional' to 'lead parent' without stopping to think about how this was developing and how my career was dying while my husband's grew. While I had made some feeble attempts to maintain a link to my professional identity, I had no plan, direction, or support to drive me. I didn't know where to start, or what was possible.

I needed someone to tell me 'You can do this.' I needed someone to say 'Think ahead. You're not going to have babies forever. Where will you be in ten years?' I needed someone to show me what others had managed before me and confirm that I wasn't crazy to want to maintain careers for us both even if we were a globally mobile family because of his job.

Ready to discuss dual careers from a global perspective? Let's connect! -the best place to find me is on LinkedIn