Shell Guys Don't Marry Dumb Blondes

I'm sitting in a community house, one expat partner among many others—all women. Lovely tall casuarina trees stand tall outside the traditional house on stilts. The odd Hornbill can be heard calling, and a low murmur surrounds me. We're on the island of Borneo. We live here because of our husbands' work. 

We all know each other and see each other often. We all have a university degree and a professional background. We rarely discuss our lack of professional growth and opportunity as expat partners living in the jungle, although I wish we would. Because I miss work. I miss my professional identity. I miss the person I used to be. 

Today, the community is hosting a company representative. She is here to deliver a talk on 'the supportive role of the expat partner'. I'm not sure what to expect. Will it be interesting, upsetting, or both?

"Shell guys don't marry dumb blondes," says the visiting speaker.

I perk up. Bold statement. Interesting it is.

As it turns out, the interesting part came with the next speaker, writer and publisher Jo Parfitt. Jo spoke about her book Career in Your Suitcase, a practical 'how-to' discussing portable dual careers.

At the time, my frustration with my role as a supporting expat partner was ready to explode (which it did, later, but that's another story). I had spent 8 years moving from one posting to another across countries in Asia and the Middle East while having three babies in quick succession. I had gone from 'independent professional' to 'lead parent' without stopping to think about how this was developing and how I was changing. While I had made some feeble attempts to maintain a link to my professional identity, I had no plan, direction, or support to drive me. I didn't know where to start, or what was even possible.

I needed someone to tell me 'You can do this'

I needed someone to say 'Think ahead. You're not going to have babies forever. Where will you be in ten years?'

I needed someone to show me what others had managed before me and confirm that I wasn't crazy to want to maintain careers for us both even if we were a globally mobile family because of his job.

If you recognize any of this, this website is for you. If you need a kickstarter too, reach out to me. The coffee's on you :)